Last Updated on February 12, 2026
If you’ve ever Googled How to Love Yourself while quietly thinking, “Cool… but how though?” I see you.
This has been one of my biggest insecurities too.
When I was a kid, I went through a really bad accident that completely changed the way I looked. And for a long time, I didn’t just struggle with confidence. I struggled with worth.
I felt broken. I felt ugly. I felt different.
And when you believe something is broken, you don’t love it. You tolerate it. You criticize it. You try to fix it.
So when I talk about How to Love Yourself, I’m not speaking from some fluffy, woo woo pedestal. I’m speaking as someone who had to rebuild that relationship from scratch.
If you’ve struggled with this, you are not alone.
And here’s the first shift that changed everything for me.
How to Love Yourself Starts With One Truth: You Are Lovable
Think about the way you love other things.
Your pet.
Your kids.
Your partner.
Your favorite show.
Your creative outlet.
Your morning coffee ritual.
You feel excitement. Affection. Adoration. Passion. Devotion. Love.
You have the capacity to love deeply.
That capacity exists inside of you.
And if you have the ability to generate love for external things, that inherently means you are capable of being loved too.
Even if you don’t feel it.
Even if you don’t believe it yet.
Your ability to love proves your lovability.
That’s not a motivational poster. That’s logic.
How to Love Yourself When You Don’t Feel It Yet
Have you ever gone to a new restaurant, ordered one dish, hated it, and decided the whole place was terrible?
Then you go back with a friend, try something different, and suddenly you love it?
The restaurant didn’t change.
Your experience did.
Sometimes we do that to ourselves.
We go through a hard season.
We gain weight.
We get dumped.
We fail at something.
We look in the mirror and don’t love what we see.
And we decide, “I’m just not lovable.”
But maybe you’re just in a rough chapter.
Maybe you’ve only been looking at one version of yourself.
Maybe you haven’t experienced yourself with patience yet.
How to Love Yourself begins with being open minded enough to consider that your current opinion is not your final form.
How to Love Yourself Through Actions, Not Just Feelings
This is where most advice gets it wrong.
Self love is not just affirmations and bubble baths.
Self love is how you treat yourself.
If you loved someone else, you would:
Respect them
Speak kindly to them
Protect them
Encourage them
Be patient with them
Do what is good for them
So why don’t we apply the same standard to ourselves?
How to Love Yourself by Speaking to Yourself Like Someone You Love
You are allowed to evolve. You are allowed to outgrow people. You are allowed to upgrade your habits.
Rigid self criticism blocks love. Curiosity invites it.
Try this shift:
Instead of “What’s wrong with me?”
Ask “What do I need right now?”
How to Love Yourself by Being Patient With Your Nervous System
Growth requires safety.
Chronic self criticism elevates stress hormones like cortisol, which impacts mood, metabolism, sleep, and even gut health. I see this all the time with women who are doing “all the right things” but still feel stuck.
Self compassion lowers stress physiology and improves emotional resilience.
That’s neuroscience, not fluff.
How to Love Yourself by Protecting Yourself Like You Would a Child
If you saw a toddler about to stick their fingers in an electrical socket, you would intervene immediately.
You wouldn’t apologize.
You wouldn’t debate it.
Because you love them.
If you keep eating foods that inflame you, staying in draining relationships, skipping movement that improves your mental health, or breaking promises to yourself, that is the adult version of walking toward the socket.
Self love sometimes looks like discipline.
It’s not punishment. It’s protection.
How to Love Yourself by Keeping Promises to Yourself
One reason so many women struggle with How to Love Yourself is this simple pattern:
You say you want to do something.
You don’t do it.
You feel disappointed in yourself.
You start trusting yourself less.
You start liking yourself less.
Every time you break a promise to yourself, your self trust erodes.
Self trust is the foundation of self love.
If you say you’re going to:
Drink more water
Lift weights three times per week
Go to bed earlier
Prep your meals
Take your supplements
Do it.
Not because you hate yourself. Because you care about yourself.
And if you struggle with structure, that doesn’t mean you’re lazy or broken. It usually means you’re trying to force yourself into a plan that doesn’t fit your personality or lifestyle.
That’s why I created the Program Style Quiz.
It helps you find a results driven plan that matches how you actually operate, so you can follow through, build momentum, and finally feel proud of yourself again. Because the fastest way to love yourself is to become someone you can trust.
How to Love Yourself With Affirmations That Actually Rewire Your Brain
Your brain has a negativity bias. It looks for flaws and threats.
Intentional affirmations help create new neural pathways over time. The goal is not to gaslight yourself into “everything is amazing.” The goal is to interrupt the old story and practice a new one often enough that your brain starts to believe it.
If you want guidance, read Positive Affirmations That Actually Work.
My favorite way to make affirmations feel real is to pair them with evidence.
Example:
Affirmation: “I keep promises to myself.”
Evidence: “Today I went on a 20 minute walk even though I didn’t feel like it.”
That is how self love becomes believable.
How to Love Yourself With a No Shame Self Love Check
Ask yourself:
What is draining my energy?
What habits make me feel worse, not better?
Where am I tolerating less than I deserve?
What am I doing that future me will have to clean up?
Then ask:
What would a loving version of me do about this?
If you want support and ideas that are actually doable, read Self Care Ideas That Actually Make a Difference.
How to Love Yourself When You’re Not Where You Want to Be
You don’t have to love everything about yourself today.
You just have to stop attacking yourself and surrounding yourself with people and things that make you feel less than and unloveable.
Start small. Keep your word. Protect your peace. Fuel your body. Move consistently.
Love grows from evidence.
Give yourself evidence.
If you’re ready to create real change in your lifestyle, whether that’s movement, nutrition, body confidence, or consistency, take the Program Style Quiz and I’ll point you toward the type of program that will be easiest for you to stick with and get results from.
How to Love Yourself: My Personal Conclusion
After my accident, I thought my value had changed because my appearance did.
It hadn’t.
What changed was my relationship with myself.
Learning How to Love Yourself is not about becoming obsessed with yourself.
It’s about becoming responsible for yourself.
You deserve to feel at home in your body.
You deserve to trust yourself.
You deserve to feel good.
Start small. Take action. Protect yourself the way you would someone you love.
You are not broken.
You are becoming.
You got this.
And by the way, reading this post is proof you love yourself. Because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be here trying to make your life better.
So if you were looking for proof that you love yourself, you do.
Metabolic Type Meal Plan Results
Eating Healthy But Not Seeing Results?
The solution is eating for your unique metabolic type - When you eat foods that match your Metabolic Type you can lose weight and feel great 3 times faster. Take the Metabolic Type Quiz to discover your type and the meal plan that's best for you.
TAKE THE QUIZDr. Christina
If you liked this article, you’ll also like these posts
- 100 Self Care Ideas for Your Mind, Body & Soul
- Happy Thoughts Challenge
- How to Set Intentions
- How to Get Motivated to Lose Weight and Exercise
- Fitness Motivation that Actually Makes You Want to Workout
- How to Set a Goal You’ll Actually Achieve
Dr. Christina Carlyle is a Doctor of Functional Medicine, FDN-P, Nutritionist, & Trainer who transformed her body and health – getting off 7 medications and losing 40 pounds for good. Now, she helps other women get happy, healthy, and fit – quickly & naturally – without any BS
Loved this article, Christina! Your perspective is so grounded & helpful. I especially liked the analogy of the toddler about to stick their fingers in the electrical socket… (I’m seeing myself standing in the kitchen about to stick a spoon into the cashew butter jar @ bedtime >_<) Thank you so much for this 🙂 Sending so much love your way!
Hi Claire, I’m so happy you loved the article. Sending love to you, too xo